The journal lets you write about a day from your life.
The photo on the left shows what Jeff Harris was doing on that day.
November 16, 2008
It has been over a year since I embarked on my culinary trip to Taiwan. I was there for six months, came back and enrolled in a hospitality program. Somehow over a span of two years I went from art, to gift industry trade shows, to teaching, to cooking, and now I am now working in a urgent care clinic where I wear scrubs daily. What strange paths our life leads us through...
November 14, 2008
I was arguing with my friend about whether he could find my hot sister on Google. Then I found out that there's a site with my name on it. Wow! I'm gonna call my smoking hot sister right now and tell her.
November 13, 2008
I was passed over for a promotion at work today. The job went to someone several years my junior here and I'm not buying my boss's explanation. The decision seems like it was personal. It feels pointless to work any harder than I already am in my current job because I am obviously going nowhere here. I should be working on my resume instead of blogging.
November 12, 2008
I'm completely in love with my girlfriend's best friend. It feels indescribably amazing and incredibly horrible both at the same time. I had almost forgotten what love actually feels like and it's nice to experience it again. But it kills me to know that I could be that guy, the one who leaves someone for their closest friend. I tell myself it isn't real, that it's an infatuation, but it doesn't work. It hasn't worked for over two years now. I feel so alive when she comes around and so completely dead when she doesn't. My current girlfriend and I haven't been in love with each other for a very long time now. We're only still together because we bought and run a small business together. I didn't realize we weren't right for each other until way too late, and now I'm in a situation that is difficult to get out of. We have absolutley nothing in common and want completely different things. And with her best friend it is exactly the opposite, we're so alike that you would hardly believe it. And it breaks my heart to know there's someone like her out there who I can't be with. Even my girlfriend jokingly says now and then that she and I should be together because we're so alike. Sometimes I wonder if this girl feels the same way, but I don't know. Sometimes I think about telling her how I feel and I cannot fathom taking another risk that is so great. I imagine kissing her with seemingly ever spare moment that I have. I even dream about her in my sleep. I love her more than anything. If I could flip a switch and turn these feelings off, I probably would. I doubt I'll ever tell her, and I doubt she'll ever know. I'm going to end up alone and going back to school in my early thirties, working a shitty job and living in an empty apartment, friendless, without a family and miserable. Starting completely over and not too far from how I've already lived half of my entire life.
October 31, 2008
I filed for divorce today. I may be able to live a happy life after all.
October 26, 2008
Should I make the move now? Should I see what happens with a kiss? He works with me... but I keep thinking life is too short.
October 23, 2008
1. i lost my inner voice.
2. i realized i lost my inner voice.
3. i lied.
4. i gave into old habits.
5. i pretended to be fine so we could celebrate your birthday.
October 11, 2008
I rooted for my six year old son at his soccer game, slightly ashamed of myself because I wished he would pay more attention to the ball. Then, after some reflection as he hugged my waist on the motorbike ride home, muddy cleats digging into my calves, I wished him well, with whatever comes his way.
September 1, 2008
In the middle of the city, in our neighborhood, a deer ran across our path as we walked our dog. As we looked at each other in amazement, a couple of males followed her into the wooded area. Later that day, we encountered a flock of turkeys walking down the sidewalk. I feel sad that we've encroached on the environment for wildlife. I can't imagine purposely killing these beautiful creatures.
August 30, 2008
I watched as my 20 year-old daughter received an abusive, venomous, hystrionic, and primitively worded e-mail sent to her by a man old enough to be her father. Shame on him.
August 29, 2008
This was the most secluded birthday I have ever experienced.
August 20, 2008
During my ten minute walk at lunch, I had three diverse encounters with three different men. First, a guy in shorts and running shoes with an iPod stopped to ask directions. Then, a tanned workman in an asphalt dump truck smiled and waved as he drove by. Lastly, a businessman in a new Honda Accord shouted, "Looking good!" as I crossed in front of the stop sign where he was waiting. Up until that point I had this delusion that I was in a Mr. Rogers type neighborhood, but the last guy shattered any feeling of security and made me want to run back to the office.
August 17, 2008
My wife just pee'd on a stick. The stick turned the faintest shade of blue. So faint, in fact, that we bought another stick to pee on. I think the pregnancy test companies make their tests so vague and ambiguous because they know you'll buy more than one. Oh, and I'm going to be a father!
August 8, 2008
After acting as best man at a friend's wedding, I can absolutely recommend the way he married: on an island with only three friends as wedding party. It was beautiful and totally relaxing.
August 5, 2008
We hang out and speak and act like we are dating. We go to parties and retreat to the corner so it is just us and yet he has never made a move. He makes this effort like he wants me and every time I give him the opportunity he turns around a chooses to go home alone. Tonight we sat on my porch talking like we had known each other for years, like we were already together and then he proceeds to invite people we know from work over. I sat there and watched the girl and him silently text to each other and then leave together. I want to cry and for a moment I actually still thought maybe it's nothing, maybe I should still wait around for him? And then I realized he is not worth it. If he doesn't want me now I shouldn't fucking wait for him to want me later. I'm done
August 2, 2008
I found a baby bird. He cried and cried, and so did I. I tried to make a temporary nest, to ease the pain. But he still cried, except for when his little head was resting on a leaf pillow. So I took him to a bird shelter 40 minutes away. I hope he grows up big and strong and can fly away some day... How am I ever going to have kids?
July 23, 2008
Every day I wake up and am constantly afraid of people leaving me. Today was no exception. I wish this would stop.
June 18, 2008
I visited the doctor, I was suffering from a clogged ear. I was diagnosed with "Surfers Ear" which is the common name for exostosis (abnormal bone growth) within the ear canal. Over time irritation from cold wind and water cause the bone surrounding the ear canal to develop lumps of new bony growth which constrict the ear canal. The condition is so named due to its prevalence among cold water surfers. Surfer's ear is not the same as swimmer's ear. The condition can occur in any activity with cold, wet, windy conditions such as kayaking, sailing, diving, etc. The condition is progressive, making it important to take preventative measures early. I fear my only cure is to have my ear canals bored open with a drill. Yikes!
June 17, 2008
I don't know anything about myself anymore. I keep seeing faint glimmers of what I'd like to be, but it never lasts and my feelings are only becoming fewer and farther between. I feel more and more separated from the things and people I used to love, and have realized even recently that all of my previous interests and motivations were pointless and stagnant to begin with. I've never felt so lost and grown up at the same time. Things are drifting and I don't know how to bring them back together, or if it even matters. I think I need help.
June 16, 2008
I took a picture of myself trimming bushes and posted it to my website as my daily portrait. Just like you did.
June 14, 2008
Everyone I know is either getting married, engaged or having kids. I chose a career instead. Now I'm the stylish little bitch with a nice apartment and a boyfriend. I can't make him propose, and now I can't help but wonder if anyone could ever love me enough to ask?
June 5, 2008
I sewed my own wedding dress today. I can't stand all those poofy, white, overblown and overpriced wedding dresses, it's a big racket and I refuse to take part in it. Screw you industrial wedding complex, I'm doing it my way.
May 31, 2008
I think I've discovered that there is a mutual "I am attracted to you" between me and someone else, but this has never happened to me before and I think I just will never have that kind of relationship ever, because I don't know what to do.
May 22, 2008
I went to school. Bored. Felt like jumping off cliff. Story of my life. I'm writing this trying to procrastinate (sp?). My homework is on the life of Jeffrey Harris. Listening to Linkin Park. Thinking about how I hate it when people mispronounce my name. It's SO-FIRE, bitches!!!!!!!! Sorry. My life sucks. Sorry. Felt bad about swearing. :) I'm so tired and feel bad about missing out on netball practice this morning. My legs don't feel like my legs. It is a cold winter's day...
May 16, 2008
I looked up my entry for May 19th 2007. And I cried. I love my daughter so much - I can't express that love. Everyday she overwhelms me. How can I have been so lucky?
April 30, 2008
Yesterday i found out that I have a disease with no cure. I cried for a minute. I guess the good news is I won't die from it. But now I have to live with this inside of me. Who will love me now? I can feel the virus in my body, in my blood - the blood that feeds my brain, my heart, all my organs. I'll never forget waking up and the first thing that I hear, "good morning, there is no cure for you."
April 23, 2008
My parents are getting a divorce. I think I'm sad but I'm more confused at not feeling sure about what to feel.
April 16, 2008
I need more of him in my week. But I am the one when there's no one else to have dinner with. I miss him and he's so busy with everyone else but me. Enough.
March 31, 2008
I'm coming to grips with the fact that my two little sisters will both be married before I even have another boyfriend.
March 14, 2008
Wollte gerade die Spülmaschine einräumen, bis ich merkte, dass das Salz Alle war. Hab das Salz und den Spültab nachgefüllt und die Spülmaschine eingeschalten. Was für banale Dinge des Tages.
