The journal lets you write about a day from your life.
The photo on the left shows what Jeff Harris was doing on that day.
July 29, 2007
I listened to "Shine On You Crazy Diamond (Parts I-V)" by Pink Floyd on repeat three times today.
July 23, 2007
Today I went to a boring training session for a job I'm nervous to start. While walking to lunch with some new colleagues, I saw Jeff Harris riding his bike past Maple Leaf Gardens. I was too embarrassed to tell my new friends that the reason I stopped dead in my tracks is because I recognized somebody from the internet for the first time ever...
July 9, 2007
I have never wanted anything so badly as I want out of this marriage. But, I feel so sorry for him. He's going to be terribly lonely and miserable without us. The counselling isn't helping, although he thinks it is. He is going to be so sad. But, I've already hired an attorney and a counsellor to help me with a plan.
July 6, 2007
I think I am addicted to sleeping pills and Xanax... my so-called "happy pills". i have had insomnia for as long as i can remember, but never anything this severe. The ambien puts the churning thoughts to rest. During the day, it is regrettable that the Xanax is the only thing that makes me relaxed to where I actually feel comfortable in my own skin. Somewhere along the way, life and some poorly timed trauma broke me. I am now one of those people who reaches for those orange prescription bottles like you would your vitamins. I have become remarkably good at self-loathing...
June 30, 2007
I turned 42 today, and rode as many miles on my bike. Was hoping that Douglas Adams was right about 42 being the answer to Life, The Universe, and Everything. Still decidedly unsure.
June 25, 2007
Every morning, when I get on the bus at 7:10am, I get to see this wonderful couple a few blocks down the road. They both look very young, in their 20s. Before he boards the bus, they kiss passionately, this impossibly long tender kiss. As the door closes, he walks to the back of the bus with her outside on the road doing the same. As he sits down, he blows her a kiss goodbye.
June 13, 2007
My therapist cancelled my apointment, which was good as I was too depressed to impress her today... It's the birthday of my ex-best-friend of 30 years. I ate two bowl of oatmeal to make me feel full.
June 8, 2007
I hid a secret care package in the city to cheer someone up. It contained a magical mix CD, among other things. I placed it behind a utility box, wrapped in wax paper. Then I emailed the Google co-ordinates to the special recipient. The next day, she found it. She liked it.
June 6, 2007
I went on this amazing 'hike' today in Cantwell, Alaska. It made me realize how much I have missed out on 'me' after marrying him and coming here. I think I am going to go back to Denver, my hometown, to find myself again. I miss my family, my friends, my Philharmonic, my church, my baseball games and my familiar mountains... I think that I got lost in the thought of loving Alaska and it being so exotic, but it's so disjointed that I feel unattached from life. I miss the city and the bright lights. I miss polution and traffic.
June 3, 2007
We were lying in bed spooning in a completly drunken but platonic fashion like we have been doing lately and he goes "I'm gonna kiss you, ok?" and I say "ok" because I am not thinking very clearly and I have no reason to really say no. We start making out and I start laughing... is that terrible? He is my best guy friend and not once have I ever considered him as anything but a friend. I end the makeout sesh because I'm weirded out and we go to sleep. I wake up and he is his normal self and all I can think about is doing it again and I'm kicking myself for making him think I'm not into him. I spent the entire day with him, with him treating me like the same friend as always, and me being awkward and wanting him. Today SUCKED!
June 1, 2007
I went for my bi-annual check-up today at the Cancer Centre. I was expecting to hear my normal "all clear, see you in 2 years" which would have made it 29 years in remission for me. Instead, they look all concerned, and scheduled me for five more tests in the next couple months. They also reminded me "when" it comes back, there's nothing they can do. I'm too worried to even tell my family or friends what's going on...
May 30, 2007
We were waiting in the car as my friend ran to her house to get some money. A minute or two after entering she ran back to us looking upset and said that she thinks her dog is dead. I ran into the house and at the top of the stairs lay Mona's small gray haired body. I'm not sure what kind of dog she was, but her curly little tail was not wagging as it usually does. She had found a bag of leftovers from a local Chinese restaurant and had bitten a hole through the ziplock bag to get her head inside. It was not big enough to get her head out and she suffocated. I pulled her head out, no pulse, no motion. Her eyes did not react to the light. She was gone. My friend's mom was working downstairs and did not notice anything. Mona was special to that family, she meant something different to each person but was equally as loved. I dug her a grave in the backyard.
May 19, 2007
We drove from Dilling to Kadugli in South Kordofan, Sudan today. A four-wheel drive, no air conditioning, the window rolled down and Juillette & The Licks on the mp3 player. It's the end of our mission and I get to go home on Tuesday to my beautiful pregnant girlfriend, my dog and my new home in mountains. This is the best day.
May 3, 2007
On my lunch break I found a stellar mini pie bakery. i experience time differently out here. I would have never have appreciated a bakery when I lived on the east coast. And today is the first day that realization made me smile. Horray for moving on!
April 24, 2007
My husband of 13 years. left me. I did nothing to him except love him. I want to be dead.
April 23, 2007
My dog had puppies the other day, and so I was letting my friend play with them. He was letting them crawl all over and lick him, and then one threw up right on his face! After laughing about it for five hours, I decided to look up my name on Google...
April 22, 2007
I am so desparate for something tangible and real that when I hear it in a song, I just listen to that song on repeat until I am shaking and crying and wondering how i lost such a significant part of myself in such a short amount of time.
April 21, 2007
I joined Facebook two weeks ago and reconnected with a long lost friend that I first met while battling cancer at Hospital of Sick Children in 1986.
April 20, 2007
He took a girl home with him last night, but it's ok, I'm gonna go get real high and play with a puppy and play some put-put golf and it'll be great .
April 17, 2007
After work, I took my youngest son with me to audition for a commercial. They're looking for "real families." He still doesn't understand why we didn't get immediately hired on the spot, and was already plotting ways to spend his non-existent $1,500 (he wants a Wii).
April 15, 2007
Every time I ask for a day off or call into work, I'm afraid they're going to fire me. I feel completely unqualified for every job I've ever worked.
April 9, 2007
I looked up miscarriage today. It sounds awful but I'm glad I had one. This is not the place or time for me to bring a child into this cold and empty world, but at least i'm mature enough to admit it.
April 5, 2007
I got hit by a car riding my bike to work. I was amped up and in shock for most of the day. The next day I would regret refusing medical help.
March 26, 2007
My friend died today, in some crazy truck accident in Kenya. She just wanted to see the elephants.
March 22, 2007
So I have this gout thing and my foot is swollen up to the ankle so I hobble around cleaning up the kitchen and my right eye just goes crazy like there is something in there and it's all red and swollen and there's this whitish blob that I can't get - it is stuck on like a leech - and as soon as it comes off there is great relief and I look at this blob and I think "Is this a worm?" Holy shit! so I throw it in the trash but my eye swells up even more and the surface of the eye around the optical parts is engorged like a blister and very sore. So I Google "eye worms" thinking "no such thing" but up comes "Loa Loa" which is a parasite condition where little whitish worms can be picked out of one's eye and it is accompanied by swollen extremities. What?!! I read on and am relieved that Loa Loa only occurs in parts of West Africa and thereabouts. About 3 AM I wake to visit the bathroom and I remember I had some sort of nacho thing for dinner and realize that while washing the dishes I must have splattered a blob of hot sauce soaked mozarella cheese straight into my eye! Anyhow, after rinsing with saline over several hours it is returning to normal.
March 11, 2007
Today I cried a total of 6 times for no reason at all. I think I just don't like it here. My friends aren't who I wish they were. The guy I like is wrong for me and I know it. I think I'm going home. Does that mean I was a failure at college? What am I doing!?!?!?!????
March 6, 2007
While I was strolling down the beach in Acapulco, some drunk American frat boy living it up on spring break yelled to me, "Hey, sweetheart, come party with us, and bring your amiguita!" We silently turned around and walked in the other direction.
March 5, 2007
I realized, that despite madly loving him, I had no desire to have sex. It's just icky.
March 3, 2007
I came back to read about the night I met my husband. I hid our memories here for me to find later. Now I pass the time writing love letters and making plans for an illicit affair with someone else.... and I don't feel bad.
March 2, 2007
Today I was sitting on a bench in this little square with my friend who came to visit for a couple of days. This lady was walking her dog and asked us if she could take a picture. We thought it was a little weird but said yes, thinking she was a photographer or something and sat there waiting. "No," she said, "I want to take a picture with your camera. This is a moment you need to remember." The picture is not that great, but I think it was right about the time that I started to fall in love.
February 17, 2007
I kissed my best friend's wife. And she kissed me back. Why do I feel so guilty? And why don't I care?
February 14, 2007
I met the love of my life.
